And I had so much time.

I wish I could open up my chest and crawl inside the hole that forms there.
Sometimes I think I do. Sometimes I think when I close my eyes, I actually disappear.
Well, at least thats what it seems like.
Lately. Ive been alone.
ALONE. alone.
I get up.
Go to school.
Force a smile, maybe a laugh.
Wave to people who I used to call friends, then walk away.
I come home.
Waste my life in my room under my blue christmas lights, watching my tinsel around my door blow when the heater turns on.
I stay up pointlessly until 12.
Slip into sleep, where I dream unfortunate dreams.
Then repeat. My life. Is on repeat.

I want to break free.
I want to sink. Deep into water and never reach the surface.
I want to stay there. Not needing to breath. and just...be there.
Watching in silence as the waves roll over my head.