Its hard to say that I was wrong. Its hard to say I miss you.

I refuse to have hope.

And maybe thats because through my entire existence, the opposite of what I hoped always occurred.
I am a pessimist because its my luck. I am more likely to get fucked over rather than to have the better outcome.
God is pessimistic about my life I think. Hes to the point where hes saying, okay, fine...your so fucking nervous of this happening, here you go. Deal with it.
Im pretty sure Ive been having anxiety attacks. I wouldnt say that, but normally I dont wake up in cold sweats, screaming and crying.
That is of course, if I sleep at all. 5 am wake ups and 1 am pass outs.

Anytime it seems I had hope of succeeding, I lose.
I always fucking lose...and that will be my attitude until the day I die.
I know people say that your attitude will effect the outcome, because youll have confidence.
Maybe thats true. Lord knows Ive never once been confident in anything I was doing or saying.

Whatever. Im rambling. Who gives a fuck.

Just. Fuck it.