When you were young.

It's astounding, time is fleeting

Madness takes its toll
But listen closely, not for very much longer
I've got to keep control

I feel like I'm back there still.
Like, its deja vu.
Like im still sitting in the back of the bus being laughed at for the music I love.
A part of me I guess, still wishes I was that girl.
So many things have changed.
And back then...
Back then it was simple ya know?

Your 13 years old.
You love music.
The Doors & Led Zeppelin are gods of course, but heres a band you have and are living for.
Things were simple.
I didnt have to make any decisions about my future.
There was no job in my equation.

A distinct memory of mine.
Laying on my floor, listening to Waiting.
Sunlight beaming through my open window onto my face.
And the wind was just barely making my thin white curtains flow.
I was happy. Nothing was wrong.
All blue skies and clear nights.

That was fuckin 7th grade.

How did I end up here?
Why is there a scar on my chin? When did I decide I didnt need softball? Why did I stop trying in school? Why am I so paranoid? Who made me think no one is worth trusting?
When did I break myself of innocence and decide that being myself wasnt good enough?

Its like all of a sudden Im doing things that I never thought would actually happen.
It seemed like some far off fantasy life where I was growing up.

Im a senior.

The thought isnt terrifying. Not by a long shot.
But whats scary is I look myself in the eye every morning.
I lived all the things Ive lived. Made all the decisions I have made.
And I still dont know how in the fuck I ended up where I am now.
Or more so...who I am now.
Kinda trips me out.