The dream is over.

I JUST BELIEVE IN ME.

I've got another confession to make, Im your fool.

Did you ever get that feeling with someone.

Where you think you have something special between the two of you or that something is just yours.

I hate when people ruin that.

Mine has been friendships.

I think something is special and affiliate it with that single person.

It doesn't matter to them at all. Its just another time they weren't bored.

I'm sick of being someones fallback when their bored.

I'm tired of just being there when no one else is but if the groups around, I don't exist.

Its exhausting to be the fall back.

And I don't want to do it anymore.

If that leaves me with no real friends then...I guess that's just something Ill have to face.

But here's a little tip.

I don't freakin do that to you.

If I consider you a friend, I don't just pencil you in then forget about what we did together

because something better came along afterwards.

I absolutely hate it when my "friends" do that.

It makes me feel like my friendship means jack shit to them, when theres is what keeps me...sane.

Opportunity of a life time? Yes please!

Alright so Ive come to realize I never really talk anymore, I just...rant or put some sort of lyric to describe how I feel.
So here's whats going down.

I fucking love journalism. And I'm so glad I didn't drop it just because of what everyone told me stallings would be like.
Shes cool, and loves me.

When she tells me Ive done a good job, like on my Person Place Song thing, it makes my day in some twisted way.
I don't know, lately that class has been the highlights. Not because I get gold stars from stalls.
And not because I'm doing well even.

Its because I'm working hard at something I actually want to do. And I can see my future that at one point seemed so out of reach it was ridiculous, is moving closer towards me.
Why you ask?

Mrs Stallings told me to email Drusky Entertainment. So I did.
He emailed me back saying I would be a good one to give passes to and to email this Melissa person.
So I did.
And shes setting up a scheduled meeting with one of the bands on the Taking Back Sunday tour for me to interview, and asked if I wanted photo passes as well
FUCK YES I WANT THE PASSES!

I'm actually proud of myself and the work I'm doing for once. Its a nice little feeling Id like to keep.

Oh Green Day sucks?! Really.

Cant you fucking see!?
Its not just a band to me.
Not just a single simple song.
There not just fucking words.
Its the only thing stable.
The only thing I can depend on
The only people who cant really judge me.
There the only thing connecting me and keeping me from fucking falling apart.

So make jokes all you want.
Say Im obsessive.
Say Im overdramatic.
Say they dont know I exist.
Fuck off.

They are the last shread of importance keeping me from jumping.

What are you doing?!

Im quiting, just like you did remember?
Sucks right.

I cant think straight.

And the make-believe ran out...

I'm running for no reason, but for my life as well.

And I hate it and I don't remember why I started.

I'm terrified to stop running

If I stop and look at whats around me it'll be chaos. disappointment. resentment. pain.

reality.

So I start running again.

When can the cycle stop?

When can I be free to lay in the grass and see the world isn't as bad as its made out to be.

I lay down in the grass with my eyes closed.

I'm at peace, nothing can hurt me.

I'm alone, but its okay.

I feel the grass underneath me.

The wind lightly moving my hair.

The sun warming my skin.

I open my eyes.

reality.

Ive been listening to the cure a lot.

It may or may not be having an affect on me.

Zombieland.

Sometimes all you need to do is see a kick ass movie with your best friend to remember how things are good.

"Dont you just hate it when people dont believe you when ya see a dinosaur?"