Across the distance time had carved.

Okay, tomorrow is my 17th birthday.

Whoopy - fuckin - do.

Honestly nothing has changed in this past year.
No goals have been scored.
No war has been settled.

I'm still in the fantastically deep rut, that keeps spiraling out of control.

On top of all my confusion from the past, and new confusion in the present, I'm spending my birthday alone. Despite my recent grounding being lifted specifically for that reason.

Yeah, I don't get any presents. My parents will hand me a card with my Third Eye Blind and The Used tickets and that will be the end of it.

[Not that I'm complaining...but birthdays have just seemed to lose the intense feelings of joy over the years.]

After that, what the fuck. Its just another day. Another night.
Ill sit in my room and listen to my ipod, wishing I could be sitting somewhere else.

Happy birthday, to me. Whatever.

So I heave my breath at burning wax

Cause I know that spark ain't coming back.

And I heave my breath at burning wax

Cause that spark ain't coming back

....It is my birthday.

Yeah, You're My Best Friend.

Yesterday was such a fantastic day.

I meant to post this 12 hours ago...whatever.

Anyway...

Came home and passed out from an exhausting night.

Awoke to a glorious day with sun and perfect temperature.

What to do...what to do.

End up with the best friend encountering tire swings, perfect trees, a bull with huge ass horns and a very cranky old man with a grammar problem.

[Screw him. The hill was perfect for letting the day go by, and he will not stop us from returning.]

So, pick up some more good friends and harass another at work. To go get lost in the ridge with a picnic.

Blasting fantastic music, all four of us screaming every word along the way.

Defiling the road to a mansion, just cause...twice.

Godzilla in water, and someone falling in the river and changing, getting caught by many a men.

Skipping rocks down the clear water, throwing rocks at a "croc".

Casually driving home with acoustic music filing the air.

Top it off with some video games, napping, Jack Denny and laughs.

Yeah, Id say it was a fuckin awesome day.

Hallway Love.

"For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything."

-Alex Karev-

Fact. hah

I'm asking help me.

Yeah, I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I'm asking what to do.
Im asking who to trust.
Im asking for help!
But who will answer?

[No one yet. Just more dissapointment and abandonment.]

Ive got some thoughts that I cant tell anyone.
I haven't told anyone because I haven't figured it out myself.
Even though I have a pretty damn good idea what its leading me too.

I hate that I'm doing this...but...it reminds me of a quote from Huck Finn. [cringes and falls off chair in pain, convulsing.]

"You cant pray a lie."

Yeah Mark Twain...you could say that.

The world owes me.

Ive been thinking a lot lately about the people in my life and the treatment I give them, and what I get back. And here's what Ive determined.

I'm sick of being the one in the back, quietly laughing at everyone elses jokes
I'm tired of being forgotten about when they think back on memories
And when it comes to being blown off, or not invited at all...its all me.
And I'm really tired of trying to make everyone else happy, and putting my happiness on the back burner.
I'm sick of keeping comments to myself when I know it will hurt them.
Maybe that's what they need.
My full force honesty.
Because apparently, me being nice and trying to make them happy and feel ok about themselves isn't enough.

One in particular. Id give them the moon. Id drop whatever I was doing if it meant Id see them, because their important to me.
If they needed me they know, "Hey I can call Ange."

But lately...they've been abusing our friendship.
Their treating me like shit, and if their not, they don't even talk to me.
I am so done being an abandoned project for you, and I'm starting to think that's all I am and ever was.

I don't care anymore.

Everlong.

Okay, so I love you.

And I think it'd be fantastic if you were right and we actually were together forever. That would be stupendous.
But theres two parts to this.

Part One:

Im crazy in love with you. I never want to let you go and never want you to leave me. I want you to be the first and last person I see. I want to fall asleep on the couch watching movies with you.

A new adventure every day.

I cant imagine being with anyone else. And the thought of you sharing your life with someone else makes me physically ill.

I want you.

I want to be selfish and keep you for myself.

Now comes the hard part.

Part Two:

The practical, logical, not out of my mind in love part. It says that theres no way you can say you want to be with me forever.

You have no idea what the future holds, or who you might meet, even by accident.

Fate has a devilish way of intervening at times. You may think now that I'm all you want.

But someday you might go to the bank and fall madly in love with someone else.

You cant predict the future or who you might encounter.

I wish part two would disappear so I could just enjoy us, no matter if we last 15 more days or our entire lives.

But theres always this nagging sense of time closing in on us and I'm fighting like hell to keep the space around us.

To keep you around.

I don't know, maybe im retarded. Or unstable. Or maybe even unwilling to be loved...unlovable?

But, I don't want to let you go.

Ever.

Im willing to put up a fight as long as I have to, to keep you.
I promise.

I will fight my heart out for you, always love.

Know Your Enemy

My boys are back!!

My boys are coming back, and Im so freakin happy I could die.

The new single is deadly catchy.

The video is extremely well done.

Billie looks as goregeous as he ever has.[ever.]

Like.

Ever.

Hes beautiful.

His voice is beautiful.

I guess you just forget how much something means to you and how much you actually miss something, until it goes away for a while[last tour was in 2006...last album...2004.]

New material.

New tour.

New pictures.

I can die happily again... after May 15th of course.

I don't care if you don't mind

I'll be there not far behind

I will dare

Keep in mind

I'll be there for you

-Green Day : Poprocks & Coke

Poetic Tragedy.

Everyone, lock up your children.

The Used are coming to Pittsburgh.

I couldn't be more excited if I tried [actually that's a lie, if it were Green Day my head would be exploding with joy right now and Id be this big heap of happy crying mess until the concert.] Anyway. I have literally been waiting to see The Used since the 7Th grade when I first heard The Taste of Ink. I was in love with Berts voice and Quinns guitar screaming. But to my intense dismay any time they toured, or were on Warped, Pittsburgh just didn't make the cut for them. It almost broke my heart every year I checked the tour dates and they skipped from Cincinnati to Philadelphia.

Well, I'm going to make this night last.
I'm going to scream to everyone song.
I'm going to mosh with everyone.
I'm going to push my way to the front and reach as far as I possibly can for Bert, Quinn, and Jepha.
I do that at every concert but...
This will be the night Ive always wanted it to be.

No one is going to stand between me and that stage if its the last thing I do.

It would be epic if they played Poetic Tragedy, Blue and Yellow, Light with a Sharpened Edge, I'm a Fake, Wake the Dead, and Liar Liar(burn in hell) and of course, The Taste of Ink.

I would basically have a heart attack.

Ive been waiting for this for so long. And now I'm all on a The Used kick and cant stop listening to them. Or dancing to them in my room. Throwing my head back and jumping up on my bed, screaming the words. And I don't give a damn if I disturb my parents. Or if the dogs are barking. Or what freakin time of day/night it is.

I cant hear anything...

I'm with The Used.

So here I am it's in my hands.

And I'll savor every moment of this

So here I am alive at last

And I'll savor every moment of this.

-The Taste Of Ink-

Summertime.

May is going to be such an epically amazing month.

4 months with Christian : May 1st

The Used Concert : May 5th

Green Days 21st Century Breakdown : May 15th

Third Eye Blind Concert : May 20th

Coldplay Concert : May 30th

Then comes July.

Warped Tour(bitch!) : July 8th

And so starts the summer months of 2009.

I can not wait.

One Time, Love.

I wrote this on a site a while ago:


The dogs barking
I don't want to scream
But why doesn't anyone ever hear me

Gotta let loose
Gotta let it go
Whens it my turn to steal the show

Why do we want things we just cant have
Why do I need what I'm never gonna get
I'm never gonna get

They used to say dream big and it'll come true
But what they forgot to say
Was 'For everyone, but you'

Its time to give up
Its my time to give in
Time for me to thicken this skin

Well Id love it if just this once
Maybe just one time
Things followed according to plan