Everybodys coming to get me.

Ok. Here it is.

The truth. Well the truth is I don't know what the truth is anymore. Ive become so paranoid and stuck in my own world Ive forgotten what it looks like out here. Im secluded. Solitaire. I lack trust in people. In my life [cue The Beatles oh so perfect harmony] I trust all of 5 people.

Do you know how pathetic that is?

Its sad. I wish I was still four years old.

I was confident. I knew what I wanted and was certain in what I was doing.

Now...its like all I'm doing is second guessing myself and everyone around me. Ive become something I never wanted to be, but was forced into.

The unconfident little paranoid nag of a girl who people communicate with just so she doesn't take it one step to far and go off the deep end. And lets be honest here...nobody wants that on their hands.

If it was up to me, Id let every single person I come into contact with know how I feel about them. Id tell the ones I love why I love them...instead of holding it inside and seeming apathetic about the relationship, or lack of one, we share. And the people I hated I wish cut off and make myself a better person for it. But see that's the problem with me. I don't. Theres something inside of me that holds onto the people who kick me down. I always have.

I think I'm partially insane. Perhaps I should get that checked out.

One thing is an always constant factor in my life.

Lying.

lie: noun;a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.

uses may include but is not limited to: protecting yourself or someones feelings, to get out of trouble, to mislead someone.

the lie...personally, scares the living hell out of me.

I have a pretty good sense of when I'm being lied to.

But everyone is wrong once and a while.

It terrifies me to no end.

Some people are really fantastic liars.

And as much as I hate being lied to, and it scares me to death when I cant tell if someones lying through their teeth...I am a fantastic liar when I need to be.

I know this [ because Tyler knows this]

I lie as little as I possible can because I fear I'll be lied to in return.