Tired.

So tired

Tired of waiting
Tired of waiting for you

I was a lonely soul
I had nobody till I met you
But you, keeping me waiting, all ofthe time
What can I do?
It's your life
And you can do what you want
Do what you like
But please don'tkeep me waiting
Please don't keep me waiting

Hey Jealousy.

jeal⋅ous⋅y 
1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against anoher's success or advantage itself.
2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4. a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

Jealousy. It can make you say things you don't mean.

Act in ways you don't want to.

And be a person you want no one to see.

There are tons of different ways and people to be jealous at.
You can be jealous of someones brilliance, money, success, love, or past.

But. Its when you show this that usually causes a problem.

You can call someone you'vebeen married to for 20 years, soon to have an anniversary, a "fucking whore."

[good one, and to think you used to be someone I thought did no wrong.]

You hurt people.

Intentionally.

Your head feels like its about to explode with anger when you realize its not anger at all.

Then, you set a goal. A goal to make digs and say things you may or may not mean just to get into this person head.

If your jealous of someones money, you make them feel bad for having it.

"You're to good to sit with us, we should sit over there."

[tha was one of my favorites...stupid assholes.]

Someones success, degrade them. Make it seem like they have it easy. Or that they don't deserve it.

"Yeah your doing good now but ya know we just started."[thanks]

I'm a victim of intense jealousy of a persons past.

I'm sorry. I just am. Its never going to change.

I make a person feel like their to blame, when in reality I know they couldn't change it no matter how badly they want to.

But jealousy, messes with your psyche. You feel like if you can just make this person feel worse about this then you will have succeeded, that you win.

It makes me feel worse.

Through it all.

From what I hear he was talented, and smart.
Going to school at Penn State.
He could have done some good.

So whats keeping me here instead?

Thats the only thing I could think of looking at the gloomy faces in the hallways.

Art History strikes again.

Im certain.

Absolutely without a doubt positive

That if I were a cave woman thing, I wouldnt have been good at cave art.

Simply because I was looking at these beautiful pieces that were done in the way backs...and ya know what fuck if they were amazing.

I couldnt do that now with the most hi tech state of the art supplies, and they did it with clay and mud and animal blood.

I wouldnt have made a good cavewoman.

What has my life come to? ha.

Nothing can compare to where you send me

You make me smile like a sun, Fall outta bed
Sing like a bird, Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like fool, Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile
Even when you don't
Somehow you come along just like a flower pokin through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain
And just like that

Don't know how I lived without you
'Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like fool, Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

-Uncle Kracker-

I was dreaming of the past.

Yeah it still fucking hurts.
I try to fill this emptiness.
No not even emptiness, its this nagging feeling that no matter what I fucking do its going to go wrong.
Like I'm walking on this road and no matter how badly I want to stop and take in the breath taking beauty surrounding me.
Or no matter how much I want to sit down and cry in the road because I cant believe I got here.

I fucking cant.
I'm hypnotized.
Absolutely consumed by the end of this road.
And how it will come to end.
Will it be dark?
Will I ever reach the end of the road? People say I will, are they wrong?
Am I naive or a realist in thinking that there has to be an end to this road

I cant just believe I could walk down this path forever.
Hell something in me wont even permit me to stop.
And realize how fucking fantastic and glorious this path is.

I'm focused on getting to the end. Even though its the last thing in the entire world I want to see.

Fuck I babbled again.
Sorry if none of this made sense...view as a metaphor I suppose.

Im just a jealous guy
I was feeling insecure
You might not love me anymore

Art History.

Okay. One of the most famous paintings known to man.
Everyone, even kids in the third grade could tell you the name of this painting probably.
And today I found something out that bothered me.

Nobody actually knows who this "Mona Lisa" is.
What the fuck?
Some think shes actually just a self portrait of Leonardo as a woman.
Some think she was a girlfriend since the poor guy never got married.

He got credited with one of his many masterpieces and what nobody thought
"Hey Leo man..."

[that 70s show?]

anyway...Leo man, whose the chick in the painting.

How sad it must have been. After she died. She was just...

The girl in the painting.

But before that she was a real person ya know.
I dont know, im just rambling and it kind of made me a little depressed that she was always just going to be the girl Leonardo da Vinci painted.

Not really known for being beautiful, besides her gnarly hidden teeth, just the painted girl.

Fuck it.