Books

catcher in the rye
the perks of being a wallflower
the great gatsby
nobody likes you
no one here gets out alive

Those are the books that changed my life...literally.
Conversations, information, facts, feelings and decisions all came from those five books that I feel I wouldnt have obtained anywhere else.

Catcher in the rye taught me alot at the tender age of 13. Id decided on my own it was time for me to read it and asked Sarah for her copy...then when months past and she demanded it back, I bought my own since I was reading it then starting all over again when I was finished. I realized the difference between a reliable author and one that is omnipresent and misleads you. This came in handy in Mr. Crissmans 9th grade english class...I had many live arguments in class about how you cant just take the authors word for it.

The perks of being a wallflower was something I stumbled upon in borders sophmore year. It took me a day and a half to read the whole thing. I dog eared the pages with quotes that blew my mind or tid bits I wanted to remember. Everytime I read it, I cry. I love the questions that stay unanswered. How many times did his aunt molest him? Why did he honestly cry so much? What song made him feel infinate?

Ahh The Great Gatsby. Love, betrayle, shallow emotions. Mrs. Snyder was dead set on ruining the emotions I felt through this book. I think subconciously as a reader you want the character the story is surrounded in to get his way. In this case he was in love with Daisy. Everyone knew she felt something for him to, but it was unspoken. A fleeting love they had but couldnt get back. The entire time you just want them to be together...and in the end your devestated. I always try and imagine what itd feel like to know you were the cause of someones death...how youd live with yourself.

Nobody likes you was a place I really found Green Day. I dont remember buying it or where I got it...all I remember is I read it and took notes while doing so. Sadly Mrs Dicasilo was a bitch and took my notebook in science freshman year and wouldnt allow me to read it in her class anymore. But it just made the information I abosrbed stick that much more. Any good green day fan should own this book. It clears up some of the internet bull shit rumors and gives you straight facts.

However. No one here gets out alive changed my core. I distinctly remember sitting in front of my stereo everyday letting every single doors cd play on repeat while reading it. It made me think about music. It gave me absolute oppinions on the doors. For a while, doing drugs listening to the doors and reading this book was like a match made in hell. It made my brain explode. Jim was around. I knew it. To this day I cant just have a small conversation about them or him in general. Theres so many thoughts and feelings I have about them I cant even put it into words. Jim changed me. Hes up there with Billie Joe on my list of most influencial people in my life. He made my mind become abstract, because along with this book I bought a few of Jims published poem books. Its something you just have to experience.

Sorry I just babbled about books for no reason at all.

Evangeline Lilly & Dominic Monaghan

One of my favorite couples ever

Green Day Challenge Day 25

Favorite Green Day poster:
Theres something about this picture that ive always loved, I dont know if its the way their all standing or that Billie is the only one looking the camera dead on...it has been my favorite since I got it in the 8th grade.

Green Day Challenge Day 24

Favorite Green Day staffer:
Bill Schneider...the tour crew manager/guitar tech.
Hes pretty funny. Ive seen him in a few idiot club videos and hes just like the guys and puts up with their crazy shit( like shooting a nerf gun back and forth a truck stop store) I like him in Bullet in a Bible too, when hes going through pictures for a calender...hes just messing with them the whole time...kinda funny.
And yes, I do know Im weird.

Green Day Challenge Day 23

Favorite Green Day sideband:
Foxboro Hottubs without a doubt. They have this cool 60s kind of vibe and the lyrics are all awesome, and its like Billie was just writing without pressure. Theres no storyline or specific message, just writing. I think he might use the FBHT as a release. Their shows are epic. They dress up in crazy outfits and they just drink and drink on stage. Billie crowdsurfs, and he hung from the ceiling in New York during a show, and started talking about how Colorado shouldnt be a state in the United States...I didnt get it but it was hilarious. I fuckin love em.

Green Day Challenge Day 22

Favorite Green Day instrument: Blue of course.

Green Day Challenge Day 21

A Green Day song I listen to when Im sad:

Theres two.

Extraordinary Girl. In this case I make myself feel even more like shit. Because Id give anything to be more than ordinary

And the second is Waiting. It puts things into perspective and makes me see things could be much worse, and itll be over soon.

True enough.

"Whenever you realize how good something is, the universe has a way of taking it back."

Anger.
Sadness.
Heartbreak.
Regret.
Solitude.
More regret.
Masochism (see also; loss of all dignity)
More masochism.
Revelation.

Lesson learned in the end: Unless your positive you want an honest answer, never ask a question. Its true, ignorance is bliss.

She.

In a 16 minute interview, Billie said the word 'ya know' 80 times...and I may have missed some.

It blows my mind that in an interview he rambles with stories. Cant get words out. And stumbles.

But you give him a piece of paper, pencil and say, "tell me how you feel about this" and he will fucking blow you away. Im sorry. If I was asked again I would say it everytime. He is the best songwriter in the world to me.

Some people still dont get it. And maybe they never will. But to make fun of me time after time gets old. You cant beat me down. You wont change my mind. In fact it will just make me try and prove it to you more, and cling to the words he writes more.
Im sorry Im ranting and my past few posts spamming vents have been about Green Day. But every once in a while the power the band has on me surprises me. And it shows me " look. look how this affects you." And this is probably occuring now, because Im traveling to Buffalo to see them on August 5th and I am beyond excited.

If you dont give a fuck this would be a good time to stop reading. Because I plan on rambling on for a little while longer about it.

To be honest this band is all Im really passionate about. I cant even put into good enough words how I feel when I listen to a Green Day song. Its how some people feel about a sport. Or even their religion. I am hopelessly devoted to them. I would support them to my death and Id be damned if I ever pretended that I didnt enjoy one of their songs. If asked its impossible for me to shut up about them. Ive been asked who my favorite band was, and I wouldnt even put it like that. Their my everything. They make my world stop. They put me back together when broken.

People think if I met them Id be a spazz and pass out. Or jump Billie. Or piss myself. And yes, when Billie spoke to me in New York I spent the first song of the broadway show hyperventilating and putting my head between my knees to breath. Everyone laughed around me but I felt like Id been winded. Like everything happened so quickly my brain overloaded.

But if given the chance to speak more than to ask for a picture, I would thank them.

Because at the lowest points in my life. They were the only thing I had to hold onto. I would thank them for saving my life a few years ago. Thank them for making me more aware of the world I would have to go into myself one day, and for not sugar coating it.

There are so many things that people still dont know about me. Things my parents dont know. And nobody really cares or listens when I go on a little Green Day rant. Or tell little weird stories that nobody really focuses on, but if you hold out long enough youll hear how it relates to me. So those who dont care to listen dont know the deepest parts of me that only are remembered through them.

They are much more than a band to me. Fuckin call me obsessed. I dont give a shit. Because if you want to label it, I dont care, whatever makes you feel better or makes it easier for you to judge me.

But do not act better than me because of it. Or think Im insane for feeling such a strong connection to complete strangers. They are there when no one else is. When hes off with his friends, when shes busy with work, when he doesnt "need" me for now, when everyone else doesnt so much forget I exist but doesnt bother to text, Green Day is all that I have
Those strangers kept me breathing. Do not fucking criticize me. Im sick of it.

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."

At the Library

I spent the majority of my evening sleeping, when I wasnt sleeping I was crying.
So I started watching old Green Day videos, including this one from Pinole Valley High School in 1990. For christ sake he was my age.
It helped. It always helps. More than anything else I think...but it just makes me feel better.

Duh!?

I was innocently sitting at the dinning room table on my laptop earlier, when a highlight of my week occured:
"Who the hell is this now?" My dad points over my face at my laptop wallpaper.
"Thats Billie...duh!"
"Thats not Billie, is it?"
"Uh yeah. Who else would it be?" Then my mom walks through not in the room to hear the first half
"Really hun, would it be anyone else?" My dad drops his head and puts his arms in the air.
"Im sorry. I dont know what I was thinking."

You gotta live cause life goes on.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

 - Maria Robinson

Needless to say Ive been daydreaming ever since Ive come home.
I opened a checking account and added $500 bucks to my savings...if I want to live in Kauai for real, Im going to need to start saving up. Im focusing on it. I want it so bad.
This waiter Clark was telling me how he had to live in a hostel until he made enough to get his own place. He also said something that really put the place into perspective for me:
"I work here at the restaurant. I took a 3 month online course to be a sub at the high school. And thats all I want to do...I dont want a steady job turned career, I wouldnt have time to surf."
 
This place may lack concert venues...which may be a little difficult for me at first, but that island has some sort of hold on me. I cant even explain it. I have this pull, like its where Im supposed to be. And to be perfectly honest I dont think I can grow in Pennsylvania anymore, like theres some sort of ceiling blocking me from being successful.
Im not happy here, and I havent been for a while. And instead of sitting here complaining about the stupid rut of a life I have, Im leaving. Im going to go somewhere I can be happy. And if it turns out Im not happy there for long, Ill leave again. Go somewhere and try again.
 
I dont just want to stay here in Latrobe with the same people I went to high school with, and I dont want to work at some job that Im miserable at. I want to experience life and all it has to offer. The good and the bad. I want to meet new people and test new waters. Ive heard to many damn sob stories in my family about missed opportunities and regret. Fuck regret I want to be able to say Ive lived my life. I dont want to miss one thing the world has to offer, am I going to have to work to get there, yeah of course, but will it be worth it. Hell yeah.
In all seriousness I have to get my shit together and get the fuck out of here.
I just hope it all comes together in time.
 

Is this the place that Ive been dreaming of?

Have you ever met someone new and just felt overwhelmed? Like there was this rush. Like everything stopped. Perfectly.
Well I'm overwhelmed. Like sweaty palms, kicking myself for having these hopes overwhelmed...maybe it was innocent? I really really hope it isn't.
I want my e mail. I want something new. Ill wear the ring til I can go back there. To Kauai.

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Green Day Challenge Day 20

Your least favorite Green Day album:
There isnt one.

Green Day Challenge Day 19

Favorite Green Day story:
When Billie stopped in the intro to Before the Lobotomy. He told this story about being in this huge argument with adrienne on the phone outside a bar he was hanging out at when a car pulled up. A guy rolled down the window and yelled, "Hey Billie Joe fuck you! Green Day fuckin sucks!" He told adrienne to hold on and dove into the car window and started beating this guy up yelling fuck you. The guy in the front seat got freaked and told Billie to leave. Some guy at a shop next door was applauding and he went back into the bar to do more shots with his friend. Then he realized he was still on the phone with adrienne through the whole thing and apologized. I thought it was fuckin adorable...but maybe you just have to watch him tell it onstage.

Wish I were with you, but I couldnt stay.

Why is it I cant get far enough away...and it still hurts.
Christ Im pathetic. Im half a world away and you still break my fucking heart.

Whats this, whats this?

I love vacations. I love walking down the beach or through a rough path and listening to this wonderful place.
Ohhhhhhh cate... such good stories to tell... surprising happy little stories.

Green Day Challenge Day 18

Least favorite Green Day character:
I dont have a least favorite one. Their all brilliant and parts of Billies personality or past. They are all beautiful.

Green Day Challenge Day 17

Your favorite Green Day character:
I think Gloria is my favorite. Shes kind of a bad ass, but in a smart kind of way. Like she isnt really scary or threatening, but she has that kind of vibe.
Other than that I think St. Jimmy. Because he doesnt really exist, hes just temptation and schizophrenia inside JOS and basically ruins him.

Green Day Challenge Day 16

favorite art drawing of/from Green Day:

It was for promotion of Green Day Rockband by a fan on GDA. I think its so fuckin cool.

Green Day Challenge Day 15

favorite Green Day book:
Nobody Likes You.
It gave me the most Green Day knowledge Ive  ever had beyond hearing it straight from the band in interviews. I fuckin love it. It also has awesome pictures that make me happy.