The summer is over and I doubt, I doubt I'll be seeing you around.

I miss this sport. Like its actually paining me this year and I dont know why.
I miss the smell of the field on a warm spring day.
Running bases and practicing catching pop flies.

I remember a few years back, I had to teach the girls on the team how to slid for two reasons.
a. none of them knew how without jacking up their ankles.
b. the coach was a worthless piece of crap.

I haven't had to shower without that much purpose since then. Having dirt and mud and white chalk on my legs and arms. But I loved it. It gave me a kind of high. And after a game I had this overwhelming adrenaline rush.
I miss playing short. Having to read the plays and control the opposing teams runners.
I wish I could do a rundown and listen to Jenny and everyone sing the pickle song.
I miss being the best batter on the team. "Top 4 Bitchhhes".
I always liked bonding with Brea, who batted after me, she was another rock girl who fully supported listening to System of a Down during practice.

Probably my best game was the under the lights game, where not only did I get my record of home runs in one game (4 thanks to having to pinch bat for Kelsey) but I got a triple out. It was amazing. I remember breaking the catchers wrist and getting first base for it.

I miss this game so much its killing me. I should probably go to the indoor batting cages soon to get this pent up energy out.

She’s a problem to solve.

I fell off the bus today. Literally.
Slipped on the top step and slid down onto the school sidewalk. My arms all scraped and somehow I busted open my knuckle. The arm part really really hurts.
Great start to the day, I thought...and to think I was optimistic a bout today.
Fucking bus.

My Hamlet book has the overwhelming smell of vinegar.
Why? who would know. But I fell asleep on top of it the other day and I cant shake the smell.

In two day I'm going to see Eric Clapton and Roger Daltry...needless to same I'm pretty stoked. I haven't been to a show since Taking Back Sunday in November. After that though I'm not sure when the next concert Ill be attending is.

Brain Stew.

Today. Basically sucked.
Worst part :"Planning US summer tour now!outdoors!!"
Please Green Day. Please. Not July 3 - 21st in Pittsburgh...I really dont feel like driving to another state to see you if I miss it.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I heave my breath at burning wax.

So I spent my entire snow day yesterday watching Green Day dvds and all my VHS tapes of Green Day stuff.

Ive been looking at Billie pictures for a good 2 hours.

Why you ask?(beyond the normal reasons of my insanity of course)

Because its Billies 38th birthday....its how I celebrate ha.

Sweetness.

I remember talking about it. Singing it.

Something to tangibly hold onto.

...no ones been singing back for a while now.

whoa...

Valentines Day

So I just got really...disturbed.
Marissa and I used to be best friends...and I cant remember her middle name for the life of me right now. I feel like a horrible person for forgetting.
Im determined to go to Scottdale and hang out with her soon.

So Valentines day was basically the best one Ive ever had.
I got all dressed up in my white dress. I allowed my mother to CURL MY HAIR! I actually applied some form of make up besides eyeliner.
Christian came over at 1 and brought me a rose. Which was super sweet.
Then we went to Denunzios...where I spilled raviolis on my pretty white dress.
We went to my house and changed into normal people clothes and exchanged gifts. I got him South Park season 1 and a Pink Floyd shirt hes been wanting for a few years.
He got me two really pretty bracelets that I fully intended on wearing everyday. We listened to some music then went to see Valentines Day, that was really cute.
After we went to Target and I bought Pearl Jams new cd, and Christian finally found Slapshot.
We ran over to McDonald's and ate nuggets and fries. He got a vanilla cone, I got a hot fudge sunday to warm up. Then we proceeded back to my place to hang out until he had to leave.

Overall. I was extremely happy. And then on Sunday im going to his house and making us really fancy macaroni and cheese, then going to his soccer game.

Today was a good day.

How to dissapear completely.

In a little while I'll be gone

The moment's already passed Yeah it's gone
And I'm not here This isn't happening
I'm not here I'm not here.

Love is not a victory march.

I feel kind of broken.
I wish Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind...was a real thing.
The idea of taking one person and completely erasing them from your mind, or anything that has to do with them and never having to face that pain again...just seems so appealing.
I would have had the procedure done a few times.

Although I feel like I have already gone through it. I behave the same way the patients do.
Confused. Irritated. Cant find something Im desperately searching for. Have a deep pitted feeling of lose.

"Well dispose of these mementos when were done here, that way you wont be confused by their unexplainable presence in your home."

21 Guns.

For my 18th birthday, I negotiated with my mother to take me on April 24 - 25th to New York to see American Idiot: The musical. Well leave on Saturday morning and come home Sunday night.

I know damn well theres no Billie or the band involved in the show. Or that they'll even be remotely close to the theater. But ya know what? I dont care.
I know hes watched it, so I trust his judgment that it kicks ass.
Plus its Green Day.
So by law, I must experience it.


Am I a dork? Yes.
Do I care? No
Why? Because Im a Green Day fan

Close your eyes, call it escape.

I have a post secret. All ready to go.

I'm afraid to send it in, because I know people who would see it...and they might recognize it.

And I don't want them to.

I really miss my second period study hall. Both A and B days.

I wanna play UNO. I'm thinking about going down after taking notes in Art History and hanging out a bit. Its not that I don't like Art History but I just miss study hall.

I'm pretty excited about Hawaii now. I'm leaving on the 3rd to the 21st the first two weeks in July, so I'm going to be missing Dave Matthews Band, and Warped...but I'll survive.

I was scared shitless I would miss seeing Green Day their second time around. But I did more research than I have ever done for a class, and found out the pattern of their touring and that they have scheduled shows in the U.K. and Germany. I'm gonna say fall tour?

Plus I will get to Hawaii just in time to see them set off fireworks on the 4th of July. And I really hope while in flight its a clear day...maybe I'll get to see people setting them off from an air view...that'd be so rad.

I had a two hour driving lesson last night. So my back is killing me again. Figures. A day after I go to the chiropractor and get it all fixed and feeling good, it gets even worse than before. Whatever. I really just want to graduate and start wasting my life in the real world. Im so glad I didnt take journalism my sophmore year. I absolutely am going crazy in this room.